// Behind the scenes. A photo and the story behind it!

It was February 2014. Winter in Budapest, and I could not see a way out. I had just earned my degree, yet nobody would give me a job. My family was proud of everything I had achieved, but I did not feel successful. Until then I had known only platonic love. I weighed 121 kilos and was convinced nobody would ever want me and that I would never get married. By May I had fallen into a deep depression. My hair was dark, just like my mood, and I only got out of bed when I absolu

“This article is so good. Let's add a few photographs of you. Can you email some to the editor right now?” I don't usually get stressed easily, but those two sentences hit me so hard that I had to sit down. “I don't have any photographs,” I admitted, a little embarrassed, clutching my half-full glass of water.

“Next order?” I ask as one of my best friends rushes through the door while I am making a latte. “Hi, Robin!” I smile and walk over to him. He has come for a good coffee and asks whether I would come with him to a photo shoot. He has been preparing for it for a long time, but he is extremely nervous, and it would mean a lot if I were there with him. Of course I say yes. A true friend helps where help is needed. :)

It always bothered me that I lacked the confidence to show people who I really was in everyday situations. Because of that, I often felt boring and invisible. All I really needed to do was be myself, yet something always stopped me — except in one place: on stage. There I could become anyone I wanted for those few minutes, and I loved it.

I reached a point in my life when I had to ask: who am I, and where am I going? I imagine this happens to everyone a few times. In a woman's life, two such milestones are almost certain: marriage and having a child. I decided to begin from the outside. I wanted to see who I was. A reflection in the mirror was not enough. I wanted to remember this period later — this moment when I stood at a crossroads.

Perhaps I should start by saying that I am an ordinary 44-year-old gay man, 160 cm tall, who loves his work and tries to remain a good person in this fast-moving world. Many years ago I was a grey, almost invisible speck in the machinery of everyday life. Overweight at 83 kg, short, balding, lacking confidence and carrying a strong sense of inferiority. Life kept throwing these things back at me, especially in dating, usually with one extra label: "you're ugly".

On Friday evening, the city turned orange. At the request of the marketing team of the Dutch national football team, before the Czech Republic–Netherlands round-of-16 match, we photographed the Dutch fan base and a particularly creative visual concept together with the ShootEasy team. For the project, I had access to the complete Olympus camera and lens range.

I want to tell a true story with the permission of the person involved, without revealing her identity. A few weeks ago I received a letter from a 54-year-old woman. I know women are ageless, but this number matters here. She wrote that she would turn 55 within weeks, and the thought was frustrating her. On top of that, she had been alone for almost five years.

When I read Norbi's professional account of the project in which the Dutch national football team asked him to work as their official photographer, one detail immediately caught my eye: the Dutch wanted images with natural colours and no filters at all. Essentially, photographs that could be used as they came out of the camera. That is exactly what I need for my next fashion shoot: someone who can create immediately usable images with the right atmosphere and a completely na

We first met during a test shoot, and by the time we said goodbye my final thought was already: I will come back to him. I have always been drawn to modelling, even if only as a hobby. Day after day I admired the brilliant work of professionals on Instagram. Every person has at least a dozen different faces and moods, but we only know a few of them.