When the Ground Was Pulled Out from Under Me

My ordeal began on 11 December 2016 with a major tragedy.

My husband died, and my entire life changed.

It felt exactly like having the ground pulled out from under my feet.

The pain was impossible to describe.

I was left alone with my 12-year-old son, Márk, who meant the world to me then and still does today.

My family, friends and colleagues stood beside me as one.

I will always be grateful for that.

Shortly after my husband's death, I also underwent gynaecological surgery and spent several weeks recovering at home.

That gave me time to think and begin rebuilding my life.

I reflected a great deal on the fact that I had never fully developed as a woman inside my marriage.

I had mostly lived as wife and mother.

Looking back, I think that was a mistake.

I worked a lot.

Raised my son.

Buried myself in my job.

Then I bought back our apartment.

Renovated it.

Built financial security.

And I achieved all of it alone.

Emotionally, however, I was far from well.

When I reached the point where I felt I could not continue, a helping hand reached toward me.

That hand belonged to one of my husband's friends, thousands of kilometres away.

He pulled me out of the hole and helped me become a woman again.

Human beings may be built for many things, but I do not believe we are built for loneliness.

We are social creatures.

I learned to enjoy life again.

I began caring for myself too.

I created time that belonged to me.

I started exercising regularly and looking after both my body and my inner world.

Today, when I look into the mirror, I see what I want to see:

The Woman.

Because women can embody everything we choose to be.

Mother.

Wife.

Woman.

Partner.

Today I am decisive and balanced.

Women are capable of independent lives even when we stand alone.

What I want to say is simple:

Almost anything is possible if you truly want it.

Believe.

Trust yourself.

Persist toward your goal.

And act.

Nothing comes without effort.

Life is like the seasons.

It changes.

There are beautiful periods and difficult ones.

Perhaps life gives us only as much weight as we can eventually carry.

Every experience is a lesson we can learn from.

Why did I choose photography?

Because it was a challenge.

A new road instead of the familiar one.

An opportunity that might appear only once in a lifetime.

What did the photo shoot give me?

Confidence.

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It allowed me to prove — first to myself, and then to the people around me — that approaching fifty does not prevent a woman from being attractive and sexy.

It cannot rain forever.

And I believe happiness will find me too.

Júlianna (50)

Professional portrait photography works best when the real person remains recognisable behind the image.

Part of the BANHALMI ecosystem

For the professional context and practical side of portrait photography, visit the BANHALMI professional website. Related art series, books and exhibitions are preserved in the BANHALMI ART archive.