When a Part of Me Died…

My partner said:

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you could see how beautiful you are.”

I never really understood what he meant — until one day I received a photo shoot as a gift.

We arranged a phone consultation by email.

As soon as Norbi and I began talking, something inside me reacted.

I could feel an enormous wall around my soul — and suddenly I had been given a chance to see that wall and begin tearing it down.

Norbi's words opened a crack in it.

Through that crack, a completely new feeling began to seep in.

Something I had never known before.

All I could recognise at first was fear.

I was afraid to show myself.

Even so, we booked a time to meet in person, talk through what I truly wanted to see in the photographs, and create a test image.

I left home trembling.

By the time I reached the studio, the trembling had become even stronger.

I did not fully understand why.

I had thought this was an opportunity I could take whenever I chose.

But now that I was standing directly in front of it, I found myself facing that enormous wall again.

Taking the next step felt incredibly difficult.

I looked for excuses.

Ways to remain inside my comfort zone.

Then I received firm, clear support — enough to help me cross a line I had never crossed before.

I entrusted my full self to a stranger.

Physically, almost nothing happened.

A photograph was taken.

All right — two photographs. :)

But those few moments gave my soul an experience that made every cell in my body begin to smile, the way they do when a person is deeply happy.

I could have cried and laughed at the same time when the image appeared in front of me.

I truly saw myself differently.

The mirror felt different.

Other people's opinions felt different.

But most of all, the feeling I experienced when looking at my own photograph revealed someone I had never seen before.

Inside me, everything became chaos.

I felt as though my soul could embrace the entire world.

At the same time, an enormous force was trying to break outward — a force that felt capable of moving mountains or smashing something into pieces.

And I realised:

A part of me had died under that force.

It had broken into tiny pieces.

A fear had disappeared.

I want to understand this new world those few moments opened for me.

On the way home, even my body moved differently.

Lighter.

Softer.

More delicate.

More fluid.

The force inside me felt like hot lava, bubbling through my body and sweeping away everything I no longer needed.

A cleaner, emptier space began forming inside me.

And I longed to fill that emptiness with happiness.

That evening, when I looked into the mirror, an unfamiliar woman looked back.

I studied every small movement of her face.

---

Her eyes.

I began getting to know my completely new self.

And when I think about what actually happened, the answer is almost absurdly simple:

Something switched inside me.

Now I see myself as breathtakingly beautiful.

(The cover image is only an illustration.)

A well-designed portrait session aims to create genuine, confident presence in the final photograph.

Part of the BANHALMI ecosystem

For the professional context and practical side of portrait photography, visit the BANHALMI professional website. Related art series, books and exhibitions are preserved in the BANHALMI ART archive.