How I Stayed Faithful When Someone Tore Down My Walls

I did not know this existed.

I did not know you existed.

Then suddenly you were standing there.

We ended up in the same group of people and laughed together.

It felt like something had been squeezing my soul for years.

And one laugh suddenly unlocked every padlock I had fastened around myself.

That laugh felt like freedom.

During the evening, neither of us wanted to leave the other’s company.

Even though by then we both knew:

Our families were waiting for us at home.

Still, it felt so good to talk without being:

mother, wife, child, sister, colleague.

For those hours there was only us.

You and me.

The colleagues around us seemed to disappear.

I had forgotten that feeling.

Or perhaps I had never known it.

I had been so young when I married.

Then the children came.

I had barely crossed into adulthood before I became a mother.

Growing up with a strict mother, there had been no wild youth.

No dating.

No carefree parties.

I had never learned that I could be a Woman too.

The evening passed quickly.

By the end, you had made it very clear that you wanted me as a woman for the rest of the night.

We were far away from home.

It could have remained a secret forever.

Still, common sense won.

Unfortunately.

I could not do it.

I had a family.

A husband.

You held and kissed me with a passion I had never experienced.

Still, I sent you away.

I can still see your sad face as you left.

You waited for the smallest movement from me.

Anything that would tell you to stay.

But I let you go.

We saw one another the next morning.

In front of the others, we could not talk about the night.

We could not exchange phone numbers.

We only said goodbye.

Our eyes locked together.

Even today, the memory hurts.

My colleague and I left for home.

You stayed behind.

Half the world seemed to separate us.

My thoughts would not settle.

You had awakened feelings inside me that I did not know existed.

I searched online.

I found your number.

I sent one message:

“I’m sorry.”

You called immediately.

I introduced myself.

At the other end, I heard a huge sigh.

Then you said:

“I’m so glad I found you.”

You had not yet started your own journey home.

Instead, you made a detour and came after me.

When you arrived, we drove somewhere quiet so we could talk.

You simply held my hand and looked at me.

I know that in that moment, you saw me.

The person I was.

The woman.

You kissed me.

And I melted into you.

I did not want it to end.

And I knew you wanted more just as much as I did.

But there, in that moment, it could not happen.

You went home.

After that, you called every day.

Often at the exact moment I was thinking about you.

We talked about everything.

Except one subject:

Our families.

Our spouses.

We laughed a lot.

We made difficult days lighter for each other.

Sometimes we simply sat in silence.

You two hundred kilometres away.

Me here.

Eventually even our phone calls became so intimate that we blushed.

We desperately wanted another chance at the night we had allowed to escape.

Several months later, we met in a hidden motel.

We wanted one another intensely.

Every part of my body wanted you.

But we did not cross the final line.

My chains were still there.

My family.

My husband.

I could not do that to them.

I could not give myself completely to somebody else.

It hurt you deeply.

It wounded your pride as a man.

We met several more times.

But we could not get past that barrier.

For months, we stayed in contact.

Slowly, the relationship changed into friendship.

Then I began to understand that our connection had meant something different to you than it did to me.

Today, fate has moved you closer to where I live.

When we run into each other, something in my heart still breaks a little.

You greet me as a friendly acquaintance.

I still miss you.

Not exactly you.

I miss the feeling you awakened inside me.

With one laugh, you destroyed walls I had spent years building.

You released the Woman who had been locked inside.

I had to get to know her.

To make peace with her.

Even today, I am still learning how to live with her.

But she is here.

And she is free.

---

My husband and I found one another again.

He notices and enjoys the change in me.

But he can never know what originally brought that woman to life.

Thank you for freeing her.

It was a painful game.

Because today I understand that for you, part of it really was a game.

You are a coward.

You protect your profession.

Your name.

And you are afraid to choose happiness.

Still, perhaps everything happened exactly as it needed to.

Maybe one day the pain will disappear too.

The pain that remained after you tore down my walls.

A well-designed portrait session aims to create genuine, confident presence in the final photograph.

Part of the BANHALMI ecosystem

For the professional context and practical side of portrait photography, visit the BANHALMI professional website. Related art series, books and exhibitions are preserved in the BANHALMI ART archive.